The Day After

I have to admit, today I’m having trouble processing how I feel about yesterday’s race.

A part of me wants to sign up for another marathon right away and redeem myself. Another says my body needs more than a couple weeks to recover before I attempt 26.2 again.

Speaking of my body, it does not feel like I ran a marathon yesterday. Which makes me angry at myself because while, yes, it had stomach problems, I still feel it was my mental game that was the big giant fail yesterday. Almost as soon as I realized that my BQ was unlikely, I lost my mojo. WTF is that? I tried to switch my brain to “just enjoy the run” but all I wanted to do was quit the race in defeat. The tape in my head kept saying it’d be better to not finish and have to feel crappy about my final time (and thus validate just how lousy my stomach felt because I couldn’t continue), and that tainted everything. I could not shake it. Or, well, apparently I could when my husband refused to bring the car to me.

I guess I’m angry at myself. I did not live up to my training.

I have several races coming up in the next few weeks, including the Runner’s World 5k, 10k and half and then another half marathon two weeks after that. I’m not sure how I want to approach these races. My training run half marathon last weekend went so well, but now a part of me is terrified of actually racing the half distance.

Bleh.

Just a brief note about the wind yesterday: apparently it was 24-29 mph with gusts up to 40 mph. I still say that was not what knocked me out of my BQ dreams. In fact, the worst of it was the final miles and I was feeling somewhat better by then.

Which just frustrates me. Why did the stomach issue start getting better? What did I do wrong to cause it to begin with? Was it all in my head?!?!

Forget that I didn’t eat much of anything the rest of the day yesterday. My stomach still felt like lead, but I’m beating myself up. Simply put, I do not trust myself. I feel like a quitter. Even though I finished the race, I feel like I gave up and am a wimp.

Ok, enough of the self-pity party. I’m feeling very itchy today. I want self-confidence! Anyone know where I can get some?

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9 thoughts on “The Day After

  1. First off, self-confidence is inside you. You have it. You’re an amazing person. I could never do what you’re doing. Really. My body would quit first. For me, the hormones alone could throw everything off. You’d think after almost 40 years I’d be able to “roll with the punches.” Nope. *grumblegrumblegrumble*

  2. Congratulations on completing the marathon! Many people would have given up and would have had a DNF. You should be proud that when the going got tough you didn’t bail out. You have a medal and you completed it. You have my admiration!

  3. Running is like science – we learn something regardless of the outcome. What did you eat and drink? What did you do different? Maybe it wasn’t what you ate. You may have ingested some germs along the way that upset your stomach.
    I’m just tossing out ideas for you to think about.

  4. I think honest self appraisal is important. In your case though, it’s simply not right to feel you were a quitter. One thing you can’t take away from yourself, no matter what, is that you finished, despite all the obstacles. I think rebuilding your self confidence all starts from there. 🙂

  5. I say wait a little before signing up for another marathon. Wait until you feel calmer about the last race, not saying you will be happy about it, but when you get to the point that you are not mad at yourself anymore. Then you can rationally make the decision of when to run another marathon… it’s normal that you want to redeem yourself (trust me, I know!) but you have to think things through.

    • Your right about not irrationally signing up for another marathon. Luckily, I had already signed up for the Baystate Marathon a month ago, and it’s not until October. That’s plenty of time for me to get my head in a better place. My coach and I are going to work on speed over the summer, and I think it’ll be a good change for awhile.

  6. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

    You completed your second marathon. Reflect on the positive in that.

    The weather wasn’t great – i.e. the wind. – so ignore the time. Or look at it as – If there hadn’t been that darn wind I’d have been 15 mins quicker probably.

    Even the best suffer with the pee problem – remember Paula Radcliff on the London Marathon one year had problems with that.

    Not sure on the stomach thing – but look back carefully over the prep for it all. Or maybe you subconsciously wanted it to be bad as a “reason” to feel bad. I don’t know just question yourself a bit I suppose on that.

    Good luck with the next one… btw anyone who can run a marathon is a hero in my book, I can barely run a bath without getting out of breath! 😉

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