I have to admit, today I’m having trouble processing how I feel about yesterday’s race.
A part of me wants to sign up for another marathon right away and redeem myself. Another says my body needs more than a couple weeks to recover before I attempt 26.2 again.
Speaking of my body, it does not feel like I ran a marathon yesterday. Which makes me angry at myself because while, yes, it had stomach problems, I still feel it was my mental game that was the big giant fail yesterday. Almost as soon as I realized that my BQ was unlikely, I lost my mojo. WTF is that? I tried to switch my brain to “just enjoy the run” but all I wanted to do was quit the race in defeat. The tape in my head kept saying it’d be better to not finish and have to feel crappy about my final time (and thus validate just how lousy my stomach felt because I couldn’t continue), and that tainted everything. I could not shake it. Or, well, apparently I could when my husband refused to bring the car to me.
I guess I’m angry at myself. I did not live up to my training.
I have several races coming up in the next few weeks, including the Runner’s World 5k, 10k and half and then another half marathon two weeks after that. I’m not sure how I want to approach these races. My training run half marathon last weekend went so well, but now a part of me is terrified of actually racing the half distance.
Just a brief note about the wind yesterday: apparently it was 24-29 mph with gusts up to 40 mph. I still say that was not what knocked me out of my BQ dreams. In fact, the worst of it was the final miles and I was feeling somewhat better by then.
Which just frustrates me. Why did the stomach issue start getting better? What did I do wrong to cause it to begin with? Was it all in my head?!?!
Forget that I didn’t eat much of anything the rest of the day yesterday. My stomach still felt like lead, but I’m beating myself up. Simply put, I do not trust myself. I feel like a quitter. Even though I finished the race, I feel like I gave up and am a wimp.
Ok, enough of the self-pity party. I’m feeling very itchy today. I want self-confidence! Anyone know where I can get some?