I mentioned that this isn’t my favorite time of year. In addition to having unpleasant memories of Christmases past, both my grandmothers passed away this month two and three years ago.
All the commercializations and excessively early decorations and Christmas music does not help.
What’s funny is how many days this month I’ve muttered to myself, “Why do I feel so goddam cranky for no reason?”
You’d think I’d remember why I’m feeling blue.
At least I’m not feeling homicidal, which I have on at least one Christmas shopping occasion that, for better or worse, ended with me at a bar in the mall’s restaurant with a large glass of Chardonnay.
If I could go on a trip to a place that does not celebrate Christmas, I would. I’m pretty sure my mother-in-law would kill me if I tried it, though.
I’m distracting myself the best I can, but the truth is, I feel horribly uncomfortable in my own skin at the moment. I don’t want that glass of Chardonnay, but the desire to numb myself is definitely there. It’s times like this I wish I were someone else, a better person.
And it’s annoying as hell.
Focusing on all the great in my life really helps. I’ve got plenty to be grateful for and enjoy. My life is far from sad.
Anyway, this post isn’t to garner sympathy or anything. It’s just venting a bit. It’s probably a healthy sign that I am aware of what and why I’m feeling this way. Keeps me from being stupid.
So, thanks for listening.