Stuffed & Happy

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My famous pie. Ok, not famous. But it’s yummy.

We just ate leftover Thanksgiving food. It was heaven. I followed my meal with a slice of Dutch Pumpkin Apple Pie that I made yesterday. My favorite.

This afternoon I went to the local Y to use the treadmill. My schedule had a 20-30 minute easy run, but as I got going, I realized I was on. So I ran the following 6.2 mile progression run:

8:31, 8:24, 8:13, 8:01, 7:35, 7:15, 7:16 (.2)

Total time: 49:27. By far my fastest 10k.

I felt like I could keep going and go faster. But I’m supposed to do a long run tomorrow, so I made myself stop. If McMillan’s pace calculator is to be believed, I’m on track for a 3:52 marathon. Of course, that assumes I can run 26.2 miles, which I’ve not ever come close to attempting. What I get from this is that it doesn’t seem too big a dream to qualify for the Boston Marathon (I need a time of at least 3:55) sometime next year with the proper training.

My college boy son has been in a mood. He’s not liking his college, his dorm, his major, his lack of spending money. It’s making me grind my teeth. At least he seems a little less surly today. I think sleeping in a nice, quiet bedroom helped. Still, even with all his grousing, he wants to get back to school because he’s bored out of his mind around us. He said so in those words. Kind of hard for me to have much sympathy for him when he talks like that.

Usually he loves visiting his grandmother’s, so I don’t know what’s up with that. Except I guess he’s missing whatever stupid party might be going on in Boston.

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The miserable lump that is my son

I may be an alcoholic, but I never drank even once in college. I always thought college parties were idiotic. Go figure. I’m sure this makes me some sort of hypocrite.

Anyway, as much as I hope I’m wrong, I suspect my kid is failing or doing poorly in his classes due to not studying and probably not attending class. A sixth sense and a few off comments of his make me believe this. Plus he confessed he dropped a math class because he failed the midterm. He got an 800 on the math SAT. This is not a class he should’ve failed if he’d put an iota of effort into.

I feel kind of disassociated from his struggles, probably because there isn’t a whole lot I can do about it. He’s not in a frame of mind to listen to me lecture or advise. I’m hoping he’ll grow out of this. Meanwhile, he’s in for tough love from me.

His behavior is a reminder to me that not much can be gained by making excuses and kidding yourself. He’s quick to blame outside sources for his problems when the reality is he has the power and responsibility to make his life the way he wants it. Sure there will be road blocks and challenges, but you can try to do something about them to persevere or you can wonder why you have such “bad luck.”

Be miserable, be happy. Choose.

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7 thoughts on “Stuffed & Happy

  1. Tough place to be when the one’s you love make lousy choices but since they’re adults you can choose for them. ((Pandora Viltis)) Good for you on the great time and especially for feeling good!

  2. First of all, that pie – dang! That looks fantastic! Second, you turned in an impressive workout yesterday. Keep that up and you most definitely will BQ!! Third, your son….he sounds a lot like me in college. I dropped classes without telling my parents because I was either in danger of failing or too lazy to do the work (because I was too busy partying). When I would come home for break, I would be completely miserable because I just KNEW I was missing out on a good party back at school. The being miserable at home part probably wont change while he is in school – it didn’t for me. But at some point, he will most likely have a wake up call and realize that the real world awaits him upon graduation and he needs a degree in something. I had the rude awakening the second semester of my sophomore year. And while my GPA was in the basement by then, I found direction, switched majors, and busted my butt to get my GPA back up. Well, maybe not quite busted my butt…but I did start going to class and studying for exams. AND I managed to pull out a B+ GPA by graduation, good enough to get me in a decent law school.

    SO….my point is – stay on him. But at this point, it will be on him to come to the realization that he needs to take charge of his life. And he will. Especially when his friends start having those AH-HA moments. It’s hard to be an unmotivated slug when your friends start interviewing for internships or applying for grad school. You quickly realize that you are being left behind.

    Hang in there, mom! You will get thru this!

    • Thank you so much for this. It makes me feel much better. He’s just so different from how either my husband or I were in college. Part of that is a good thing, but the lady part makes us really worried about his future.

      You make me feel there is hope!

  3. tundrawoman says:

    There’s all kinds of hope, IMO. Being a freshman guy.sucks.in.every.way: Socially, academically, it’s all best forgotten because yes, it does get better-without anyone having to do anything besides holding to the expectations you and DH have established.
    Leaving aside the obvious social stuff, let’s look at the academic: Sonny-boy has gone from being a Big Fish in a Small Pond where an 800 Math SAT may be a big deal, but now? Not so much. Because he’s in a school where he’s (gasp!) pretty average academically. And he may have to crack open his lap top and actually study for exams and show up for class-even if it is an 8AM class.
    Then there’s the “Skin In The Game” reality demonstrated by some dear friends of mine who had two geek sons before being a geek was remotely cool. Both were accepted to private and very expensive universities which their son’s CHOSE. The parents could well afford to pay for their son’s educations.
    They didn’t. At least not upfront.
    Their boys had to finance their own educations-one way or another with very, very little financial assistance from the ‘rents and that included substantial loans and finding JOBS during the summer. Don’t wanna flip burgers? Well, you don’t get to lounge around so maybe washing dishes will “help” finance your your next semester, courses or spending money. They did-and also suffered from the same shock Sonny-boy is enduring in every way: Before the days of grade inflation an A meant something. Not so much now. But when the parents come screeching and screaming to the prof, the dean, the pres-whoever-that sonny or “dear daughter” received a (gasp!) C in a class (or three) which is “Average,” no one budged. The C remained a C. The kid sucked it up and with it, a bit of well-deserved humility (just maybe, baby, you’re not “All That”) and preparation for the real world: There are expectations and realities “out there” and that includes getting up and going to work and doing the best for your employer you possibly can. Every.day.
    When the above boys gradu-matated, their parents paid off the bulk-but not ALL-of their debt. The reality of debt as a part of our life choices requires another life lesson: With freedom (to chose their uni) comes responsibility. Both found employment quickly-in fact despite their average to failed-a-few-redo’s, they had skills and abilities employers look for: Tenacity, the recognition that the real world is not gonna cut you slack because you slept through your alarm-for months-and realistically, how we handle being average and sometimes, even failing is a necessary part of growing up.
    As is paying your own way and not expecting just because your parents “can” means they “should.”
    Welcome to the real world: Their sons received their “Intro to Life” courtesy of their parents and the wise choices the parents made because they saw the bigger picture of Life After College. And refused to “Fix It.” Or accept any excuses. The re-do courses the young men paid for-in full including the first attempt and all subsequent attempts-and financial rewards were rendered for above C grades.
    After graduation and becoming *gainfully employed.*
    TW

    • Our biggest hurdle aside from being worried about our kid is that the grandmother thinks we’re being mean. She pulls out the, “when my son was his age…” yadda yadda. I had to take her aside this weekend to ask her not to buy him a tv and Xbox for his college dorm. I think she understands, but… The last thing my son needs is to be enabled.

      Thanks, TW.

  4. Syd says:

    I hope that he comes around because he will need a college degree and more to have a decent job eventually. Maybe this is just the freshman blahs. I didn’t have that as I wanted to exceed academically. Things are different now.

    • I was very focused and serious as a college freshman. And I had a part time job. So it baffles me personally. But I know a lot of kids do struggle freshman year. I really hope he has a rude awakening and… awakens.

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