Race Morning

It’s race morning and I’ve been awake since about 4am. I didn’t sleep well. I’m laying in bed digesting some breakfast and feeling rather terrified.

The fear sort of makes sense because of my injured foot. It’s doing ok, but it’s nowhere near good. It’s probably dumb of me to even be attempting this today. All the way up until this morning, I’ve been wanting to. Now I’m not so sure.

I can’t remember how I felt the morning of my first half marathon, although I’m pretty sure I was almost equally scared. Most of my memory of that June day is positive. This morning, the sheer volume of people participating has me uneasy. 22,500 runners. This seems crazy. I can’t separate what is normal anxiety from irrational fear from real concern over my foot.

I haven’t run since the 5k last week. I went to the gym twice in the interim to do cardio. I feel ill prepared. I want to stay curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself. I worry that I’m chickening out and somehow this means I’m never going to run again, that I’ll go back to the couch potato I was a year ago because I’m just lame, literally and figuratively.

I’m trying to remind myself to just have fun, that whatever happens, even if I have to quit the race early, is fine. It won’t be a tragedy or something to resign running altogether over. I don’t need the finisher medal to prove I’m not a quitter or a loser.

But for now, I have to sit with this fear and hope I can overcome it.


7 thoughts on “Race Morning

  1. I think that if you have concerns about your foot then that is entirely valid. I suppose that I don’t understand the idea of running with an injury, especially if it could make the foot worse. Listen to your body, right? Hope that you have a good day regardless of what you decide. You are not a quitter or loser no matter what you tell yourself.

  2. Trite and worn out but “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!” Even if all you do is cross the starting line, it’s more than you’ve ever done before toward your goal to run a half marathon.

  3. Shoot. Just realized the time difference. Whatever you’ve decided to do, you’ve done it. Still cheering for you! Even if it was stay home in bed and nurse your foot. Sometimes, Life Happens. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. And you’ve fallen in love with running. Like any relationship, it isn’t perfect. You have ups and downs, but you don’t just walk away because of one petty argument. šŸ˜‰

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