Too Soon

My husband’s father has been ill with both cancer and MS for awhile. His first bout with cancer was about 20 years ago. He went into remission, but it came back again about 10 years ago.

The MS and cancer have really wrecked his body. His mind, always among the world’s sharpest, has stayed sharp, which is not the easiest thing for him as he can’t do all the things he usually enjoys.

This week he took a turn for the worse. Considering that he’s had a tough 2013, this is not good news. The doctors haven’t given a timeline. They’ve only said there’s no certainty he’ll make it through the next few days. Even if he does, the best they can offer is figuring out how to make him as comfortable as possible until the end.

My father-in-law told his brother that he just wanted them to up his morphine and put him out of his misery. When I saw him yesterday, he held my hand and told me what a great girl I am. I blurted out that he needed to get better. I didn’t know what else to say. My son was losing it. I fear he is giving up. But who am I to tell him he should hold on.

I’m scared for my husband. I don’t know how this will affect him, how it is affecting him. He’s strong and stoic, but this sucks.

That’s it. It sucks. Cancer is a motherfucker.

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