I have to say, I have a horrible urge to text my dad and tell him I’m about to do my first half marathon. I’m imagining he’d be thrilled and proud, but I really don’t know how he’d react. Even if he were thrilled, chances are he’d still do or say something boneheaded that would sink me like a stone.

Just don’t do it.

Does anyone else go through this when something exciting is going on in your life, that you want to share it with someone who you care about and ought to be supportive but you ultimately know it would be a grave mistake to indulge in? I’m sure I can’t be the only one.

It’s so sad when the last people you can share your triumphs and tragedies with are those who ought to be there the most.


6 thoughts on “Restraint

  1. says:

    You are not alone. I can’t tell you how many times I’d want to call my mom, to tell her something important, or share something with her. And I always knew it would turn out badly. But I would end up giving in, and she’d be stupid or mean or dismissive. Or she just wouldn’t get it. And it would never be the moment that it could have been. And then I’d beat myself up, because I knew better.

    When I got pregnant, years before I knew about narcissism but when I had an inkling that NM was off, she was the last person in my immediate family I told. I kept thinking she should be the person I was running to call. But I felt something holding me back.

    It is horrible that we can’t call those people who could (and sometimes pretend to) care about us. Because they’ll only use it for themselves.

    For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.

  2. Still do, and it makes me crazy. I still want NM’s approval even though I know it’s meaningless. I’ve worked really hard to develop a network of friends I know I can call or email with good news right away. They always give me the love and excitement and encouragement I want and need, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to share with NM. Maddening.

    I am so excited for you, and I’m looking forward to reading about it! GO YOU!!

  3. tundrawoman says:

    “It’s habit alone that keeps ya turning for home….”
    Thinking of you this morning PV and all of your dedication and hard work. Hope you’re enjoying the race as well as seeing it as a challenge.
    Make sense?

  4. Yes, I do. I want to share with people and often do. I can’t predict their reaction. But I know that I can be authentic in saying what I have to say, with few expectations from them. I have learned the hard way that my passions aren’t dependent upon approval from others. It’s still good, and a big plus, to have their approval and happiness for me, but it isn’t a given for sure.

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