Losing the Garbage

Life has become a nice quiet place. I’ve been really embracing my fitness training. It seems to calm me in a much needed way. It’s becoming rarer for me to think about things I have no control over. I only worry that I am avoiding rather than changing my feelings about things that have troubled me. I guess I can’t fully escape the worry. And being an alcoholic, I can help but ask myself if the high I get from exercise is another way of numbing. It’s a question probably worth keeping somewhere in my periphery.

My son has been thus far accepted to all the colleges he’s applied to and offered substantial merit scholarships. He’s waiting to hear from the last 2 schools. I think we’re all feeling a sigh of relief that this aspect of his growing up has been going smooth.

My marriage is in a better place. It really was me being a idiot and less about him. I guess you’re never too old to keep growing up. I’m not saying we’re perfect, but things are good. He’s even been to a couple yoga classes with me. I don’t know why he puts up with me sometimes. That may be part of my problem — my low self-worth. I’m working on beating myself up less.

The only real bummer is that I got in a fender bender on Monday. It was totally my fault, so I’m feeling a lot of guilt. Guilt probably above and beyond what is appropriate for the incident. I think even the lady I hit felt bad for me. I apologized to her and made no excuses. It was a series of mini-events that caused me to not see her, but in the end, it was that I flat out was not paying enough attention.

Not much else to report except that I am losing weight (yay!), getting faster at running, tried a spin class and kind of liked it, am eating more protein (still can’t get used to eating more good stuff and losing weight), getting stronger and I’ll be going to a Green Day concert in a few weeks followed by running in my first 5k race.

Plenty busy. Life is alright these days. The only drama has even dreams about my mother popping in like a line from the Frazier Chorus song Dream Kitchen: “Your life’s too good to be true. I think I’ll ruin it for you.”

Go away, Mom. No one invited you. It amazes me how trained I am that she can still sour stuff without even being in my life. It’s been over a year since I went NC. And yet her evil spirit haunts me in my unguarded sleep.

Sober. Grateful. Only slightly insane 😉

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9 thoughts on “Losing the Garbage

  1. Hey lady 🙂 Congratulations across the board. Son, marriage, working out. Sounds like things are in a somewhat happy place. And the Green Day concert….how awesome is THAT??

  2. I want that on a tee shirt! “Sober, grateful, only slightly insane” – you could make a fortune on that! Glad you’re doing so good. isn’t it the way that we see our addictive behavior in every damned thing, even the stuff that’s good for us? *shrug* at least it’s a healthy addiction. I’ll take being addicted to dopamine and serotonin over being addicted to the other crap I’ve enslaved myself to…

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