“They’re Good People”

My mother-in-law was telling me today about how my sister-in-law’s inlaws favor one of their grandchildren (not my SIL’s) over all the others. They buy this one child more gifts at Christmas and let the others watch him open them.

It’s not a matter of price, my MIL told me, like if the others got one big gift and the Golden Grandchild got more things adding up to equal value. It’s flat out that this kid gets more. (side note: it terrifies me to think what this doing to the Golden Grandchild)

And my SIL’s son went home bawling the first year this happened, wondering why they didn’t love him as much.

Now, apparently my nephew has become numb to it (my MIL claims he’s over it, but I called boloney and said he’ll never forget).

Then my MIL pulls out this peach: “But I know they’re good people…”

Which sent me sputtering, “No, they are not. Who does that to a child? To their grandchildren. That’s horrible. They are not good people.”

She tried to argue that they don’t know what they are doing. I said yes they do. Then she says that it’s mostly the grandfather, to which I replied, “So why doesn’t the grandmother do something about it?”

Ask me why my MIL is defending these people who hurt her own grandchildren and her daughter. That I have no clue about, especially since she started this conversation kind of outraged at them.

She agreed that the grandmother should do something “like make him put the extra gifts away until the other kids aren’t around to see the favoritism.”

I was like, “Um, no. She should either tell him to cut that shit out or even the tally by buying the other kids equal amounts.”

She didn’t really disagree with me at that point. The conversation ended with me saying, “They are NOT good people.”

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9 thoughts on ““They’re Good People”

    • Yah, I agree. I just don’t know how he justifies it to himself. What is going on in his brain: “Well Bobby is so much better (read: more like me) than the others so he deserves more.” Or, “Mikey, Tim and Suzy don’t appreciate anything, so they get less.”

      I don’t know why I bothered with that exercise. I don’t think I want to spend a second in a narcissist’s head. I’ve got to deal with my own crazy as it is.

  1. tundrawoman says:

    Good on you for telling it like it is. This is a far greater mystery to me than the genesis of PDs: How can other ADULTS sit around and observe this shit and not call the transgressor out? It appears the N’s continue doing what they do at least in part because no one wants to “get involved.” The kid is powerless to change anything and knows that; yet look at the behavior that’s being modeled by other adults towards the transgressor.
    TW

  2. jessie says:

    It seems this kind of blather is what I come up against all the time. “Well, yes, they are being assholes about something or another, but they are good people.” Such b.s.

    I still remember how my grandmother favored our oldest cousin. And how it seemed she was more interested in my cousins from her first born son.

    My MIL is trying this b.s. with my oldest son. She claims that “god” sent her a message before he was born that her oldest son would have a first born son and that son would be special. HAHAHA. Of course he’s special, but geez! Apparently, she’s some sort of divining rod. Anyway, I’ve noticed that tries to treat him extra-special and dote on him. She doesn’t out do it with the gifts, but I think she clearly favors my older son. He doesn’t really like to have anything to do with her. Smart kid.

    BTW, has your SIL said anything to her MIL. I’d step in as the parent and stop that shit IMMEDIATELY. That kid’s going to feel the anger from his cousins soon. It’s not fair to anyone.

    • I don’t think she’s said anything. But she’s stopped bending over backwards to get her inlaws’ approval.

      It’s probably just as well. These kinds of people don’t change their tunes. It’s better to walk away.

      • jessie says:

        Probably so. I think I’m just so much more protective and proactive when it comes to my kids. I mean, nobody wins. The non-favored kids feel less loved. The favored kid (if he’s not completely insensitive) will start to feel “outside” of his cousins. They will separate him and he will feel the jealousy of his cousins. I’ve seen it a lot.

        I’m starting to believe the world is infested with these kinds of people.

        • Oh, trust me sister, when it comes to my son I go complete mama bear. I’ve never dealt with inlaws or even my parents doing this to my son or their other grand kids. I’m not sure how apeshit I’d go if that were the case. They’d likely just never see us again.

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